I Knew...

I knew this was coming and I just wasn't as prepared as I thought.
I knew the expression part of the test was going to happen.
I knew Zach wouldn't do well....
After all, how well can a child who is hardly verbal do on a test to find out where he is at expressively?

Ms. Kristin told me to prepare myself for the scores of the test - I didn't have high expectations, because I know my son is not verbal. I guess I didn't prepare myself enough, or maybe I did - maybe it just hurts because it is brought back to my attention just how bad the situation is.

I don't have an age range to type out for this. I simply don't know. What I do know is Ms. Kristin started the test and didn't get very far. She was frustrated, she even said so. She is going to go over how to score the test with another SLP because this test wasn't designed for a child with Apraxia.

See, the problem with Zach is he knows what he wants, he understands so much more then he is given credit for, yet he has no way of verbalizing. Zach is able to now point to things when he needs them, he is also able to sign with prompts (very few signs on his own), he can most of the time use his PECS so he can express himself - It is just that he can't do it verbally.

I know all of this! This is the life we live, everyday, trying to figure out what Zach needs, what Zach wants without any verbal cues.

I need to take a step back and remind myself ------ 5 months ago Zach went in there and I described him as the child you wouldn't even know is in the room. Now you know Zach is in the room - he makes sound and let's us know when he is happy, or unhappy - he makes his presence known.

I knew this wasn't going to come back with good news like yesterday -- I knew this, but I wasn't as prepared for the hurt as I thought I was!