Today...

Today was more or less a good day with the struggles thrown in.

Zach has been all off key lately. You know the stuff I've been rambling about but not had the words to come up with. I'm at the point where I need to let my words out.

Basically his apraxia is getting worse (that is the main reason for introducing the PECS) - I still don't really have the words to explain this right to everyone, so forgive me ahead of time. For one not only is his verbal apraxia worse - but he is also exhibiting a lot of signs of motor apraxia and to me this is very scary. It is so hard to watch my son not be able to have his body move the way it should - for example he used to be able to sign (he still can from time to time) but now most of his signs are becoming him hitting his arm, or rubbing it. To the times he is not being able to throw a ball, or the days the falling as he is walks is at an all time high. The look in his eyes, the pain, the fear he has - you can see it in his eyes, he knows what he wants to do or say and his little mouth or body part will start to try and move but nothing. The look turns to disappointment, sadness.

Today, today was a bit rough....not only is the apraxia getting worse but the eye contact is also getting worse. Today, he had Ms. Kristin so frustrated because he would give no eye contact what so ever, she tried all she could. I asked "is this normal for a child this age?" her answer was of course "no" she went on to tell me she pushed him a lot harder because she expects more because the eye contact used to be there more so, never normal but it was there. She went on to say now she understands why our Dr has been so worried about autism and sees now why Zach needs to see the DP right away.

Life's Struggles are at their finest right now for my little man. Right now it is so very hard for me to see the progress that I know still exists, somewhere in him.