Wishing I Had More

ANSWERS!!!!

I wish I knew what was really wrong with Zachary. He has so much going on but lately more seems to be coming to light and it is so very frustrating.

This past weekend we took Zoe to a birthday party, normally we would know more people there then the birthday family but this time our other friends were not there. There were over 11 children plus the parents and out of that we knew 7 people (3 adults and 4 children). While we were there Zach would not speak a word, would not make eye contact (I got him to make some with me and he would whisper to Doug and I but that was the extent of it). We stayed on one side of the room to make Zach feel more comfortable and in his own space.

A little boy (about 3-4 years old) came up to Zach and was asking Zach his name. Zach kept backing up away from this child as the child would move closer to Zach. I let him be to see what would happen BUT Zach got cornered and his face turned pale as his lip started quivering so I grabbed him and placed him on my lap. Zach immediately turned around grabbed my neck tight, laid his head down and cried (a silent cry). I told the little boy his name was Zach and he was a bit shy. The boy looked at another kid and shouted "This kid is weird!" Those words keep echoing in my brain -- what I wanted to do/say to this child I had never met...well, I'm sure you can imagine. AND what did the parents do about it? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Now, granted I don't know them and they don't know me or Zach's situation but still you would think a gentle "that wasn't nice...say you're sorry" would have been interjected in this scene. Then again what could you expect from a couple who were standing across the room from us -- after the incident --- and I hear this coming from the mom.........."What is the deal with the people who's son won't talk?" HELLO Lady I'm right here ask me or for god sake don't talk in the loudest voice possible!!!

The nerve of some people will never cease to amaze me. Maybe I'm a bit too sensitive to this scenario as it plays out around me time and time again....I simply can't get used to it.

Then Tuesday at OT I brought what happened up to Ms. Jerry (who, rightly so, has become more concerned about Zach's social issues - since they are happening more) We decided it would be best to make Zach some social books that we right and put pictures in so that he will understand. The first book is called "Making New Friends: A Social Story" it is cute and simple but Zach hates reading it. To me it seems even taking about this puts him over the top.

Wednesday came along and at OT Ms. Jerry says to me that she is "Very concerned about Zach's social abilities" and that when we came to her when he was 18 months old she noticed then how disconnected he was. That by now he should be getting better - but he is not he is getting worse (only when not in a familiar situation or comfortable setting) she brought up "attachment disorders" and us taking him to have him evaluated by a psychiatrist - to see if this OR something else is an issue.

Ms. Jerry said "one good thing is he won't talk to strangers" - she was trying to make me feel better. I reminded her that there is a HUGE negative to this all too.........that if someone were to take him he also wouldn't scream or cry or yell or fight back. This is when we started talking about getting him an ID bracelet - the conversation quickly turned into placing a chip in my child as some people do with extreme situations. She said our case is an extreme situation :( I just want to sit and cry.

It is already hard knowing there are issues but with Zach having progress in some areas and not in others (in fact getting worse in other areas) it is really hard not knowing EXACTLY what is wrong with my son. As sad and frustrated as I am right now....I will not stop holding out hope that one day we will know more about Zachary.