Just Tired

I think it is just one of those days...the type of day where you are just plain tired. It is one of those days where you feel totally drained!

Since my last blog things have been going good....Zach is growing, school is great, same with therapy, Zoe is healthy, her school is going great - we really do have a good life! I think sometimes that is hard to see.

It all started yesterday at OT. Ms. Jerry didn't mean anything by it, she is just trying to help Zachary BUT sometimes I get so tired of hearing what is wrong. It started with a flier for a chair she'd like me to think about getting for Zach to have at home and in school --- simple enough I looked at it, it does seem like it would help him BUT it reminded me he is different.

Then came the "let's get him doing an activity so we can talk" We talked and she handed me 6 papers to go over + we went over about 4 more that she had given to me the week before.

All information to help Zach, all information that reminded me what I didn't want to be reminded ---- we were on such a roll of NICE, GOOD, GREAT, POSITIVE things happening around us that his struggles seemed not to be so bothersome. As if I was at that spot of time I finally felt some acceptance.

They say you go threw the same stages as grieving when you have a special needs child - All the information and talking brought back those stages for me. I'm fluctuating between a couple of these at this point in time.
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

I have these papers sitting next to me...reading them over and over. She wants me to pass them along to the school so they can continue to help Zach BUT he is doing so well, I don't want to give them to his teacher - this makes me in denial and at the same time I'm so angry about these papers sitting here staring at me.

Like I said I'm just so very tired right now and one single word she said hit me like a ton of bricks.....I don't know if she is right, I just pray one day we find she is wrong. When I have more strength I'll say that one word.

For now I'm tired an I need my rest.....I have to be strong for Zach, for Zoe, for Doug, for my family and most of all for myself. I can't lose hope and I know I am doing all the right things for my little man!